the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
