she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
