We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
