Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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