Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Randomize
