just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
