Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
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