The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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