come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
