if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
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