I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
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