My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
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You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
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If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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