I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Swine flu. Run for my life!
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
