how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
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