think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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