You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Randomize
