we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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