Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Come on in and take your pants off
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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