omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
