we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
