You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
