Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Randomize
