wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
