sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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