Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
