I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Randomize
