Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Randomize
