We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
