i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
