If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize