someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
