I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
