Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
