and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
