Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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