God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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