You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
