he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
