I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
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