The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
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Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
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This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
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