everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Can you bring me the toilet please
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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