i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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