So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
