the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
