i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
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