Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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