I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize