Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
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