9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
