Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
