He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
