Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
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