we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
