Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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