She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
