we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Are we still banned from the library?
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
