Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I just blew my weed a kiss
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
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