Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
