And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
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they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
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Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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