How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
