There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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