Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Alive.
So much puke
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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