Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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