My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
